Thorns Crocs full of thorns to the crimes of fashion being committed in our community. Now I realize we are not Paris or London and we don’t expect Shoppers Row to be navigated with Gucci stilettos or men in Armani, but seriously Campbell Riverites, one of you almost caused a car accident the other day when your skirt blew up in the wind and your lack of underwear took my mind away from the road. Just what would I have told ICBC? Swerved for full moon? Rear ender caused by rear end? Now this skirt flipping might work for Marilyn Monroe but she doesn’t live here! We don’t need to see suspender leggings, underwear worn as outerwear, skinny jeans when you are not, sweat pants with writing on the bottom (note to wearer, letters disappear!) and t-shirts with rudery written on them. (Although the “drunk chicks think I’m hot” was probably an honest reflection.) We don’t want to see pants that would make a plumber blush, pajamas in the grocery store, flip flops with dirty feet flip flopping, boxers impersonating Bermuda shorts paired with a white t-shirt that makes you look like you are walking down the hall at 3 a.m. to get a glass of milk rather than shopping at a public market. Where is your wife? Keep your tailbone tattoos for family viewing, and speedos for a funny Halloween prank. Men please do not go commando with grey sweats despite how comfortable that might be for YOU, and women don’t cut off your jean skirts any further. Finally, please, please PLEASE if you have a belly wear a t-shirt long enough to keep it from peaking out at us. We might be the Salmon Capital of the World but we should refrain from baiting the fashion police with your wiggly bits! Arrests are imminent!