How to buy your Chihuahua a Winter Sweater.

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Let him have one last (naked) walk so he realizes just how cold it is outside. Drive to the pet store, carry him in. To. keep him in an OK mood, and because the sign says you can, put him down on the floor so he can explore while you surreptitiously go through the dog sweaters to find the right size and style. Put your foot on top of where he just peed and try to rub it into the floor so nobody sees. Pick him up and “apply” the first sweater. No matter how dedicated to you he is, we all know Chi’s are a one person dog, he WILL bite you as soon as the sweater goes over his demon head. The “gargling growl” will commence and it will hurt more the second time when you try to put his front leg through one of the holes. His freak out will gain attention from everyone in the store except they think it is “cute” or “precious”. They coo “Aww, he’s smiling”. That is NOT a smile ladies !! He is not named “Chewy” for nothing! You manage to get his other foot through and avoid cursing the F word (and the Lord’s name) out loud as he draws blood from your thumb. You wipe it off, instinctively, on the sweater. NOW you have to BUY the bloody thing (pardon the pun). He is now having what appears to be a major seizure but really he is playing his best game of Twister to somehow slip from your grip. A salesperson will rush over and attempt to give him a freeze dried liver treat…his FAVORITE…but he has now gone on a hunger strike, sulking over the sweater you have just fitted him into like a straight jacket. (Which might be a GOOD thing at this very moment.) You put him down now but he refuses to walk, as if he has been rendered quadriplegic from having a polyester knit on his body. As you purchase the sweater, the more expensive one dammit as it now has your DNA on it, remember to buy some urine remover spray because he is mad, and he will seek revenge on your PILLOW when he gets home. And IN your shoes, that is as soon as you remove the enemy sweater because if you don’t, he will remain paralyzed, shaking, and giving you the stink eye.

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